Augh! It BURNS!

September 12, 2006

I’ve got to go listen to some Pearl Jam or something after this:



Does This Smell Okay To You?

September 6, 2006

Lifted directly from’s article, “Does This Smell Okay to You?“:

Here is a collection … on how to tell if your food is spoiled.

  1. Eggs: If something is trying to peck its way out of the shell, the egg is not fresh.
  2. Milk: Milk is spoiled when it looks like yogurt.
  3. Yogurt: Yogurt is spoiled when it looks like cottage cheese.
  4. Cottage Cheese: Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it looks like regular cheese.
  5. Regular Cheese: Regular cheese is basically spoiled milk so really doesn’t spoil. But when your regular cheese begins to look like blue cheese get rid of it anyway.
  6. Mayonnaise: Mayonnaise is spoiled when you have to have your stomach pumped because you became violently ill after eating it.
  7. Meat: If cats gather at your back door whenever you open your meat drawer, the meat is spoiled.
  8. Bread: Bread is spoiled when it attains the ability to cure an infection.
  9. Flour: Flour is spoiled when it has moving rice in it and you didn’t put any rice in it.
  10. Canned Goods: Canned goods are spoiled when they begin to resemble a rugby ball.
  11. Carrots: Carrots are spoiled when they take on the characteristics of a wet rope.
  12. Potatoes: Potatoes are spoiled when they have more eyes than your graduating class. Nor should they have a deep leafy underbrush.
  13. Chip Dip: Dip is spoiled when it doesn’t stay in the same place you put it in the refrigerator.
  14. Wine: Wine is spoiled when it becomes an acceptable base for a salad dressing.
  15. Lettuce: Lettuce is spoiled when its color and consistency can be mistaken for green jello.
  16. Raisins: Raisins are spoiled when they can be mistaken for bituminous coal.

And, why is it that when someone offers us something that obviously smells bad WE ALWAYS SMELL IT?!?  I see this happen all of the time;  someone makes comment similar to “Oh, man that smells nasty!  Here take a whiff!” and someone else leans over smells it and recoils in disgust.  WHY?!?

Okay, I’m done.

Bathroom Etiquette

August 6, 2006

I don’t know if girls go through this, but dudes have these… issues… with the restroom. Such as if there are three urinals, take one on the side so the next bloke doesn’t have to stand next to you, stuff like that.
Anyway, the rather articulate young man over at jonsonblog gives a nice description of how to slow down the passage of time on a Monday.

My favorite comment is down a bit… the one from Fred on August 4th.

There is also a rather interesting description by a Japanese high school teacher on how to urinate.


March 8, 2006

So last night I had a very, very vivid dream.

Amazingly, I still remember it.

Here is what I remember… I was driving, I don’t know what freeway but it wasn’t local since it was low rolling hills, kind of like the area outside Fort Worth, Texas. I’m changing freeways and I’m below the horizon a bit when I notice a black column of smoke pouring into the sky. It is huge and very recent since it hasn’t had time to start to break up at all. As I take the offramp and climb up the little hill the scene is … well, unreal (this is a dream, remember).

I still can’t see what is at the base of the column of smoke. However, there is a crashed passenger airliner in the middle of the freeway about a quarter of a mile ahead of me on the right. There is a passenger airliner in the air careening out of control as if the pilot was attempting to regain control of the craft. Cars are sliding all over the road as this unfolds in the sky above. I can see every detail in a hyper-realistic way and I slam on the brakes and slide to a stop.

I jump out of the car and with a few other people we pull the back off of the plane (dream, remember?) and pull the people out, unharmed. Then we start unloading the luggage. I remember there was a football with a cut in it that was ruined and I was trying to find out who it belonged to so I could give it back.

What does it all mean?

Don’t eat chips and dip before falling asleep at my desk.

OEDILF – The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form

Yes, you guessed it. Limericks.

I rather enjoyed reading the entries on this. They are inventive and often funny and if you are uncertain of the word it is usually defined in the original boring manner below the limerick. Not always though, which is why there is Google.

Now that is HOT!

May 9, 2005

Chilli sauce is real killer

I like a good salsa or hot sauce. I make my own on occasion, sometimes too hot for other persons consumption. (Not intentionally, I’m just a bit imprecise)

This stuff makes my skin crawl – something that hot, that painful just doesn’t make any sense to me except as bragging rights.

“Man, I had this sauce that was so hot I was hospitalized for three DAYS!”

I’ll stick with my habeneros and jalapenos, thankyouverymuch. I still like to taste my food.

BBC NEWS – Car lands in home’s upper floor

Almost like a video game where a car cartoonishly goes flying…

Make sure you follow the link on the top image to see the slideshow of the path of destruction. I still don’t see how it crashed into the top floor instead of the ground floor… unless it was moving sooooo fast that it used the tree or something else as a ramp.

Things to do when you’re bored – a bumper list of pointless timewasters

Oh, this is going to be fun. Now all I need is a victim…

(rubs hands together gleefully)


January 29, 2004

MSNBC – Thar she blows! Dead whale explodes

If you are at all squeamish, don’t go to the above link. Apparently, researchers were transporting a dead whale through the streets of Tainan when gases inside the whale built up and, um, exploded.

I keep picturing the scene in Monty Python’s Meaning of Life where the obese man explodes after a ‘wafer thin mint’…

Jaws, anyone?

October 23, 2003

Icelandic “Iceman” grabs shark to save men

I’m sure someone in Hollywood is already contemplating a movie treatment about this guy but Captain Sigurdur Petursson,

“…, known to locals as “the Iceman”, ran into the shallow water and grabbed the shark by its tail. He dragged it off to dry land and killed it with his knife.”

We aren’t talking about a itsy bitsy shark here. The chomper in question weighed in at 600 pounds! On top of that, he caught it with his bare hands. For those of you not aware, a shark’s skin has very sharp scales that point in the opposite direction of travel. These scales can slice up a hand if slid the wrong way.

I think we have found someone tough enough to replace Arnold as the Terminator. He probably has a cool accent too…